International Women's Day

Today is International Women's Day, and I have a few things I would like to say to my international female friends, especially my Egyptian friends.  Culturally, we are all subject to cultural pressures, but women as a whole experience these pressures to a higher degree, and I know Egyptian society can be strict.  Between age-old family traditions, your immediate peers, and modern media, we have a lot to deal with and a lot of people telling us what to do with our bodies.  Many of my Egyptian friends are reaching that age when people start to pair off and get engaged.  So many young Egyptian women are trying balance social and cultural pressures.  I just want to tell you, your body is no one's business but your own.  More specifically, it is no one's business if you're a virgin or not.  I am not promoting promiscuity or abstinence.   I can't tell you if having sex before your marriage is better or worse for your relationship, or what is right in your religion.  That is up to you.  You need to make the choice that is right for you, and you can't do that if you're worried about how others will judge you.   You should not have sex because someone is pressuring you, and you should not not have sex because someone is pressuring you. I know how much pressure you're under, and I know that not being a virgin can have serious consequences, so as your concerned friend, I give you permission to lie.  This choice is yours, and if you need to protect that choice by lying, I support you.  Here are some things you might like to consider:

Not everyone bleeds their first time.  The hymen doesn't cover the opening of the vagina.  It's not something you have to "break" to have sex.  It is more like a stretchy ring of skin around the vaginal opening.  Hymens sometimes bleed the first time, because they are tighter/tougher.  But some people's hymens' are naturally stretchy or just out of the way.  Sex can loosen or tear a tighter hymen, but everyday life, and friction from clothes, menstruation, or just biology can wear away a hymen as well.  And sometimes a hymen doesn't stay loose, and if you have sex, and then wait a long time till you have sex again, you might bleed again.  In other words, "bleeding" doesn't prove your virginity.

There is no medical definition of virginity.  It's all just culture.  It changes through history.  There is no real test to prove your virginity.  Many modern women define their virginity differently.  There are many types of sexual activity.  Some people count all experiences as "sex," some believe they can do everything but penis-to-vagina sex and still be virgins, and some still consider themselves virgins until they have sex with someone they really care about.  It's up to you.

Men aren't forced to prove their virginity.  They aren't subject to the same pressures as we are.  It's just not fair.  They can do scandalous things just as easily (if not easier) as we can.

No body has to live in your body, but you. duh.

Graceful Fall from Grace

There was a time when this blog would get more than 40 hits a day, and now I don't even know if my mom reads this blog anymore.  What can you do?  I'll just have to repromote this baby next time I go to Egypt.  While my Egypt-themed Blog's fame my waver, by love for Egypt is steadfast.  I don't know if you've ever been distraught and moved to tears over a country to which you have no right, but let me tell you, it is a terrible and magnificent all at once.  My latest instance if this was in preparation for February 12th's "Global Protest Against Sexual Terrorism Practiced on Egyptian Female Protesters."  I just can't describe the sympathy I feel for these women who are trying to enact change.  I can't explain how frustrating it is that I can't express how wearing it is to be harassed even on the most superficial level.  So I can't even fathom the horror of violent sexual assault.  I am overwrought when others don't understand how important these issues are, and how truly and fundamentally all Egyptians deserve dignity.  So though I latest foray to Egypt may be over I wanted to take this protest as an opportunity to at least try to make a difference.  It isn't my place to protest in Egypt.  It is dangerous and mostly likely I would just cause issues with the opposing side saying I was proof of "foreign hands at the wheel."  It isn't my government's place to tell the Egyptian government what to do, because you know that's worked so well in the past (please note sarcasm).  I also think it is absurdly presumptuous to think that any US policy maker would know more about what the Egyptians want or need than anyone who's actually Egyptian.  So this protest, in my country, in my city, was the one place I thought it was appropriate for me to have a voice.  It was a small protest with a friendly family-oriented vibe.  I met some great people, and got some closure and a sense of accomplishment for myself.  There were a few media people there and several non-Egyptians who just thought it was good to show solidarity, so I like to think those people and cameras brought some attention to the issue.  Of course one always wishes that they could do more.  It is hard to acknowledge how little power you have, and it's even harder to acknowledge when something not your fight, or simply beyond you.

While it might not be my place to be the screaming activist on the Egyptian front lines, I can do my best to spread knowledge and understanding.  Women's History Month is coming up in March, and I am organizing a belly dancing lesson for students at my university.  I hope to use this lesson as a platform to discuss the vehicles of soft power and empowerment women of patriarchal societies can use in the private sphere.  I hope to use belly dancing as an example.  When in Egypt, I saw the most belly dancing, not in bars or in any seductress context, but in private gatherings of female friends.  It was a unique experience of sensuality and expression for one's self, instead of for the consumption of another.  I'll keep you updated as the event develops.

Sexual Harassment

This should be addressed.  I don't actually have a lot of problems with harassment.  Thanks to my short hair and androgynous style of dress, most Egyptians on the street don't know what to do with me, so they just leave me alone.  I also tend to zone out, so it's very possible I've just missed a lot of whatever is being directed at me.  But this last week my good American gal friend left Egypt after a ten week stay.  We were out in Islamic Cairo doing the Khan, and on our walk back to the metro she had her butt grabbed TWICE by complete strangers walking by in the crowd.  We had discussed cat calls and such before, but never had either of us been groped.  The worst part about this is that my friend was just three days from leaving Cairo without a physical incident.  I was so angry.  I had wanted her to come here, her enjoy herself, leave, and exist as living proof that not everyone is assaulted in Cairo.  I feel like my emotional investment into her avoidance of groping shows a larger problem.  Before she left, my friend said she understood why so many Egyptian women just don't go out here and live "sheltered-lives;" it's self-defense.

When I lived in here in high school, I watched the behaviors of men on the street degrade on the American high school girls with which I studied.  Some became withdrawn, and like some Egyptian women, and didn't want to go out to public places without a protective group.  Some became flustered, frustrated, and jilted to the point of wanting to leave.  I saw what looked like the beginnings of some emotional and psychological damage to a few of the girls.  The stares, and shouts, and grabs wear you down, so do don't only feel less, but you are forced to be less.  It made me mad then, and I am still mad now.  There are so many fantastic things about the culture and the people here in Egypt.  This harassment just doesn't fit into the Egyptian values I've learned.  I am mad, a girl on facebook who wrote this note is mad, and everyone else Egyptians, foreigners, men, and women alike should be mad.

And though this article about coping mechanisms is helpful, it is so sad that it has to exist.

If I wear the wrong shirt or I am watching around gawking like a lost tourist, sometimes I'll be called at, but generally I am only an observer.  So, I want to make a point of speaking to the other observers during the rest of my time here: the other men on the street.  The majority of men on any particular street are not groping you or cat calling you.  It's just the one that ruins your day, the group of shabeb that hang out on the corner, or in the worst cases a guy every block.  But there are so many people not bothering you.  I would assume that the quiet people know that harassing is not the right thing to do.  I also assume they have friend who (even if they know its wrong) ARE cat calling and groping.  How can they watch this happening and not be disgusted?  If there is societal stigma from peers and equals of harassers, harassment will decrease.  The trick is convincing observer men to confront those actively harassing.

It's hard because when a girl brings up harassment to a guy, foreign or Egyptian, the initial response is a.) It can't really be that bad? or b.) so your asking me to defend you?  Yes, for many it can be that bad, and NO.  Women depending on defenders to function in the public sphere worsens the situation.  We need men to know just  how much of a problem harassment is, for all women in Egypt, and make it clear to their fellows that harassment isn't acceptable or cool.  Not just on behalf of the one female friend or sister they are defending, but for the sake of basic human decency.

So this is my task for myself, so convince my guy friends to actively disapprove of harassment.  But I have faced another barrier very often when trying to communicate these issues.  I encourage any comments that help me to deal with this response: "It's an upbringing issue."  In other words, those who harass were not brought up right, or in other words they come from bad areas, or in other words they are poor.  How do you deal with harassment when it is blamed on the socio-economic divide? 

Independent me!

Today after class I went to the grocery store all by myself!  I think there may be one closer to my house, but I went to one that was closer to Kalimat, but on the way home.  My immediate family can tell you: I do not shop well, ESPECIALLY grocery shop.  Let me tell you, it's way harder in a different language and when you need to make sure you can carry all of your purchases.  BUT IT DID IT!  I got a lighter (but I still don't know how to light my stove).  I got dish and washing machine detergent... I think I did anyway.  There seem to be more additives than detergents on the market and I really couldn't tell the difference between them.  I also got some frozen corn.  I really want to eat the fruits and veggies here, but I am waiting for my stomach to adjust.  I figures frozen corn that needs to be cooked it is a nice sterile compromise to I get some veggies in my diet.  I also stopped by a little tiny minimarket by my house for water this morning.  I hoping to get in good with the men who work there so they will keep the little boys and shabeb (young men) from calling after me.

At first I didn't want to tell the story that follows because I didn't want Mom to worry, but I think it is a good cultural lesson for others coming to Egypt.  This is about clothes.  I wear black skinny jeans and t-shirts most of the time.  I have been specifically wearing not tight t-shirts these past few days, and I haven't been bothered other than a couple of awkward stares.  Yesterday I wore a tank top with an unbuttoned long sleeve over shirt.  No cleavage or anything, but still.  "Too much collar-bone?" I asked Sherif before we went out.  He thought it may be fine for going to class on the normal routes.  A few minutes after going outside he said, "Maybe I was a little too  optimistic about the shirt..." What surprised me was that the Egyptian boys were making stupid faces, and hollering at me when I was clearly walking with another Egyptian guy.  Have they no dude code???  I asked Sherif if he would fight for my honor.  He responded that if the kids got really out of line he would walk me home first and then come back and fight them.  I found this response unsatisfying.  If I can't fight for my honor, I at least want to watch when someone else does and maybe get a shot in.  "That's not very nice," Sherif said.  I don't think sexual harassment in the street is very nice either, but I didn't belabor the point.  Ultimately, the walking home bit is for the protection of the girl in case the cat-caller's friends turn up.  That walk with Sherif was a good little social experiment, and I was glad I tried the outfit with him and not when I went out alone.

So the cat-calling is unpleasant, but not too bad, especially if you dress mildly.  The only upsetting thing, is that I feel like I owe it to woman-kind to tell these guys off or sock them in the face.  I'm pretty sure even the Egyptian girls just have to take it.  No worries concerned family, I don't plan on starting any fights, especially not so close to my house.  I am going to do this strategically.  I'm going to be a good customer of the minimarket near my house and then as the man in charge to reign in the boys who hang out there.  Once I am a regular face there I think a firm "BESS" (enough) to the boys be acceptable.

I think it's interesting:  Sherif keeps telling me that I'm in a really nice neighborhood, but if my mom was here she would be mortified.  (She may be consoled slightly by the terrifying gate around my house and padlocked inner gate.)  As it stands I am quite happy with my area, but it certainly isn't Northwest DC, and that's fine by me.

This weekend (today, Thursday, was the last day of the work week) I am off to 6 October to see Hagar and my host family.  I think I may even get to see my host sister's ballet recital!